Memoirs of a Secret Muslimah - How I Came to Islam
*PLEASE NOTE : This is the simplified version of my journey to Islam. If you want to read the whole story, then you can do so by clicking here.*
First of all, I'm a person with few words. I'm probably the most boring person you'll ever meet, but one day, something happened that changed my life completely. I can still remember it as if it was yesterday. Verily, whomsoever Allah guides, none can misguide and whomsoever Allah misguides, none can guide. I bear witness that there is no deity worthy of worship except Allah, and that Muhammad (saw) is his slave and final messenger.
First of all, I'm a person with few words. I'm probably the most boring person you'll ever meet, but one day, something happened that changed my life completely. I can still remember it as if it was yesterday. Verily, whomsoever Allah guides, none can misguide and whomsoever Allah misguides, none can guide. I bear witness that there is no deity worthy of worship except Allah, and that Muhammad (saw) is his slave and final messenger.
This is my story about how I came
to Islam.
I was born in London, to a
so-called 'strict' Buddhist family. My mother is a Buddhist whilst my two older
brothers are non-religious, but have some basis of religion in their lives
because of my mother. My family background is Vietnamese; and with 80% of the
population being Buddhists, it's no surprise that my mother is. Ever since I
was young, I was always into religion due to being born to an 'ex-Catholic'
father and a Buddhist mother, so I was always split between both religions. I
remember one minute I was going to Sunday Mass, the next I was chanting
complete 'gibberish' to statues on a shrine. As I was interested in the aspect
of religion, I would read books about religion, somewhat focusing on
Islam. At a young age, I somewhat knew and believed that there was only one
God, but I guess that was changed by my mother, causing me to believe and
worship something blindly without knowing the meaning behind it, and so
therefore I ended up completely misguided from the true path. I actually
thought that by having a religious Buddhist mother, I was going to be a
faithful, practicing Buddhist in the future. But little did I know.
As I grew up, having Muslim
friends influenced me into researching and exploring more about Islam. One day,
we had a conversation about me converting to Islam. It was awkward for me back
then because I was around 12 or 13 at that time, and so I avoided that question
as I was scared about the whole concept of conversion and being a teenager,
living with a Buddhist mother; would make it impossible for me to practice my
religion. However at time, I started to think deeply about Islam and began
researching a lot about converting. By the time I read so much about it, I fell
in love with Islam. At many points in life, I began to feel eager about
converting to Islam but didn't have the power to carry on fulfilling my duties
as a Muslim if I converted. I attempted to try to forget the matter and said to
myself, "Maybe when I'm older and I have more authority and a voice, I
would convert". But then I realised that just because my family are
Buddhist, doesn't mean I am a Buddhist myself or have to be Buddhist. I felt
that having a religion in the beginning takes a lot of commitment and
submission has to be your own choice. No one else can tell you what religion
you are. Belief comes from the heart.
As days passed, I felt that I
wasn't who I was anymore, I felt lost and unsure about my life. The question
about conversion came up again between me and my friend; she even insisted that
her sister is an aalimah, and that she can support me if I had any questions. I
dodged the questions, worried about my family finding out, the consequences of
it, or myself not being able to commit to Islam. All these problems sprouted in
my head, and I started to feel that converting was such a hassle for me.
I decided that Islam may be the
right religion for me and that I should convert very soon. I knew that Allah
was trying to tell me something, as if He Himself was leading me to the true
path. When the time came, I felt nervous and worried about it, after saying the
shahadah, I felt that I had become a better person, a different person, a
Muslim. I felt like my life had turned a new leaf. Like a blind person getting
his sight back.
I often felt alone at times
because I didn't have my family to support me, neither was I able to
express myself, being a closeted Muslim. I knew that Allah was by my side, and
I would try to please Him as much as I possibly could. I began learning how to
pray, perform wudu etc. Looking back, I am thankful to Allah that He had given
me a chance to escape the hellfire and start off my life again by shedding
light on me and guiding me to the right path and also that He had made it
possible for me to worship Him.
Assalamualaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh
ReplyDeleteCheck this out-only 8 minutes. Gates of Paradise in the Quran.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B--UEIrFvBs
You're an inspirational woman with meaningful words and thoughts behind why you do, the things you do and to be honest, that's hard for some people. I respect you for taking upon as an individual the time and researching about the person you really are and wish to be. It shows your strength as an individual. Those, I believe, who seek to know deep down who they really are as a person, whether it be a Muslim or believer of another faith/religion, will go far in the path of success and rewards.
ReplyDeleteI can't stop crying after this worlds ." I knew that Allah was trying to tell me something, as if He Himself was leading me to the true path " peace be upon u sis ...
ReplyDeletetoka ~
A beautiful story mashaallah.
ReplyDelete